让梦想起飞！let our dream fly!

Lately I had been posting very frequently on my blog...
However I wasn't being emo.
I am just stating my stand clear to myself!
Constantly reminding myself what not to do, and what i should do!

Today I went for my friend performance in a competition.
I was catched by a song named 梦想起飞.
When i was listening the song, i had felt there is a power in me responding to the song...
Maybe this is just how i felt deep in my heart!

I had a dream!

This is what different the me most, compared to what i had been during pre-U and degree. I finally had a dream that i would fight for!
Yes! Everyone of us here is pursuing our dream now together in UTAR.
Whether be it education, music or even arts, we, my friends, are always together to pursue our dream!
Lets not give up!
My dream is very easy....To be success!

What do i mean in success? Easy!
To be able to give what I had promised others,
to be able to change or to improve for a better living,
to be able to be the man who could protect and ensure my partner in future!
To be able to hold the ground without any backing and finally to Have a family where i can call home!

学习放手

我只能努力的学习放手，
放开心中她们的影子，
对不起！我做不到无情！
所以我需要的只是一些时间而已！

但是我还有理智，我了解我应该怎么做。。。
离开我办不到，
只有学习去忘记，学习去忘掉以往，忘掉现在！
活着的都只有为了将来！

Who Moved My Cheese?

Today, as usual, our Sun zhi's Lecturer had shown us a few video.
But today video was something that had caught my attention most.
Even thou it was just a typically short animation of just 2min. Named "Who moved my cheese?"
However the meaning of this animation wasn't just being about cheese.
Is about our life!!

Sometimes i understand that in my life i had been very stubborn with everything i do.
Sometimes i would call this possessive or extremist.
Why did i said so? Well, it wasn't just me who think that i am an extremist.
My friends, my family members and even maybe my ex would agree that i live in a way that either i get what i want with everything i had, or i don't get it at all!

On my relationship lately, somehow i knew that i am being somewhat possessive.
I couldn't really let go of the one i love and the other that i like. (horny? haha!)
But now that the condition had been this way, i had to learn to let go of the cheese i had lost and try to find a new cheese.
Not only about relationship.
Even when we decided to do something but we failed, that was the time we look for another alternative.

I used to dream to be a doctor just like my old man. But the naiveness of me had cost me to failed during my pre-U not only once, but twice.
Today i had been here in Degree after 5 years+ from my SPM i had been trying my very best
to archive another dream of mine.
It wasn't easy to survive in a competitive environment in UTAR.
I realized this and i heard a lot of advice on this even before i enter UTAR.
But i would like to take on this opportunity to equip myself as much as i could during my degree life.
Before i enter the "friendly" environment in the community.

Hope that those who lost their cheese once, understand there is always other cheese out there. Just put down the past, and go forward to the unknown and cross all the obstacle pose ahead to gain your very own cheese!
Trust me!
It is somewhere out there! The cheese of success is somewhere between the maze of hardship!




"When you change what you believe, you change what you do!"
Believe in yourself!

战鼓响了！

最近几个晚上都睡立不安。
我想都是最近玩得太疯狂了，荒废了学业！
内疚起来咯！
连续几个礼拜都想着玩的。
还整天玩电脑呢！
Assignment 都没心情做，书也没动到，notes也带着走走罢了。。。
心不在焉！

谁偷走我的心哦？
不！应该说是什么偷走我的心。。。
因为我的心是被一个简单的笑容迷倒的。。。

哈哈哈！！
没有啦！其实是我自己堕落罢了！
没心没肺的过日子。
没有目标，没有推动力，没有方向，到处流浪。。。迷路了？？

今天week4咯！
很快就要final了！但是我和大家一样都还在发梦的。。。还没醒呢！

不！！我不能忘记我答应我自己的目标！！
战鼓已响起！备战状态开动！！
努力吧！要努力走我的路！
因为这条路是我选的，我没遗憾！
就算我有时候有点。。。desperado
哈哈哈！！别怪我嘛！我也是控制不了的呢！

但是我很想说：“原来单身真的蛮自由的哦！”
要做什么都可以！哈哈！

对咯！今天还遇到了前女友呢！
没打听清楚她最近怎么样，因为我赶着回，所以就吓吓她和她的朋友就走人了。
希望她还好吧！
好歹我也曾经爱过她。。。
我给不到的，我也真心希望她得到！

走吧！别再堕落！
我们没有时间去emo了！
这条路不能后退，也不能停止，只有向前走！

孙子曰：凡先处战地而待敌者佚， 后处战地而趋战者劳。

答案是B！

不管怎么样，我还是觉得答案是B!
不是说有feel就去行动，有spark就是对的了！
什么苏州过河无艇搭？！
如果她嫌我麻烦，什么苏州的，什么spark的。。都不用说。。
就只有一句。。。
我会消失！

我很讨厌被人恨的感觉，尤其被喜欢的人恨更加难耐！
真的！我以前也有过一样的感觉。

有时候我真的真的希望能像之前那样，
看到对方时笑一笑，互相问候。。。
就像普通朋友那样，简简单单。。。
但是一切都太迟，只怪我表错情！

渴望的只是你简单的笑容，
讨厌的只是我现在的堕落！！

没有空间去爱，也没资格去爱！

这个学期，我想把自己的内心封锁起来！
开放另一个我！

这个锁需要很长的时间才能被打开。
因为我真的不想再做坏男人了！
做坏男人真的很辛苦的，
被人恨，被人讨厌，被人怀疑。
不是，我没说我是好男人，只是不想再有那样的感觉。。。

我有好多，好多梦想；
很大的野心；
内心也没什么空间去容纳另一个。
是的。有时候，我也很渴望一个拥抱。
但是我知道，我也很了解，我不能再爱了！

爱，不但让我伤害了别人，也伤害了我自己。

我想，如果当时从没发生过，我还会像现在这样吗？
应该会的。
命运的安排我们不能否认。
该发生的事再怎么避免也避免不到的。
如果当时我没被这些儿女私情影响，我的成绩应该更满意的。
如果？没有如果！只有怎样去避免事情重演罢了！

把内心封锁，专心追梦去！

Sweetest Memory Bitter Feeling

This few days I traveled to Penang to hangout with my bros. Along the way till spending time in Penang, everywhere I go, the sweetest memory flashes upon my eyes but the bitterness feeling strike upon my heart. Yesterday morning, I wondered alone in Queensbay Mall , walking the footsteps we once walked together. I kept asking myself, If I said I did love you, would you believe me?

She might be the factor, or the excuses I used for our break up. But do you know why did I wanted to break up so much? No, I didn't intend to break up with you just to be with her. My intention to her is just as a friend all the while. It is US who had cause the break up.

Kris Allen- The truth

Lyin' next to you
Wishing I could disappear...aay
Let you fall asleep
And vanish out into thin air..aay

It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it.
It's the avalanche that looms above our heads.
And we don't believe it.

Tryin' to be perfect
Tryin' not to let you down...ooww
Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now...yeah
while the floors underneath our feet are crumbling
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
Cause it's easier than telling the truth.

I still keep your photographs
I remember how we used to laugh
I can keep on losin' sleep
If you're okay with being torn in half.

It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it.
It's an avalanche that looms above our heads
But we don't believe it.

Tryin' to be perfect, tryin' not to let you down...oww
Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now...yeah
While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
Cause it's easier than telling the truth.

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning
And let the rain come in.
Stop pretending that it's not ending
And let the end begin.

Oh yeah...

Tryin' to be perfect, tryin' not to let you down...yeah
Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now...yeah
While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin'
The walls we built together tumblin'
I still stand here holdin' up the roof
Cause it's easier than telling the truth.

It's easier than telling the truth...


The truth is just too much for me to bear alone and I decided to runaway from it forever....
Leaving you behind, taking all the responsibilities which had been accumulated for years over my shoulder. I admit my irresponsibility and I understand I can't do anything to redeem my past mistake.

For now that I had been on a condition that something I did intend for, letting go both of them. Love or Like? It doesn't matter for me anymore.
I reminded myself everyday during finals that I AM A WARRIOR!
Even I admit I did had difficulties during that time on being a BAD GUY and a STUPID GUY.
BUT, I won't fall. I won't crumble.
I will fight! Till my last breath!
As I don't have any time nor chances to waste anymore.

This, my degree, is my LAST BATTLE to archive what I want!

"For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness,
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!
Such is the salutation to the dawn."-part of Salutation of Dawn, Kalidasa.

This poet I read from a book. It remind me to left the past, stop worrying about tomorrow but give everything I had, my enthusiasm, my concentration and my effort into what lies on my hand now.
Hope you can do it too!

P.S. Btw, I don't like being a stranger. I still put you both as a friend of mine. If you need anything just sms me. I'll be there!

Memories tend to bring tears

Memories tend to bring tears but I won't cry or sad.
Cause those memories are the sweetest things I had with her.
I will kept them in a safe, which is locked deep inside my heart.

I had enough hurting someone, I ought not hurting another.

I will continue my life and learn from my mistake!
No! Loving her was never a mistake,
she is perfect, I am not;
Loving her let me realize what loves is.
The mistake is, I should had break up with her sooner before hurting her so much.

迷路了，我也会自己走！

大考终于结束咯！Degree的第一个学期也终于可以画上一个句号了。。。
短短一个学期就那么多的事情发生了！

从我重新面对生活新的挑战，
遇到了她，马步停蹄的忙学业，
和女友分手了，心被开枪，
大考前学会一个人从低爬起。。。

虽然我这学期成绩没那么理想，
但是这个学期里真的让我学到了很多人生起起落落，
也让我找到了另一个我。

这几天我便忙着应付大考，
便在无边境的沙漠里，
一片一片的把我破碎的心拾回来。
虽然受伤不少，但是总比完全消失好！

老爸，我知道你说过要我把儿女私情放在一旁，
但是你跟我说这句话的时候已经太迟了！
对不起！那时我已经丧失了自我！

迷路了，我也会自己走！
不必来安慰我，也不必来给我拥抱！
这条路再怎么难走我也会一直走下去的！
放心！我和别人不一样！

中五毕业后，我都一直跌下去，
人生都毫无目标的沉迷在电脑世界里。
但是这几年来都让我体会到，人生不能永远逃避的！
不管你逃到天涯海角，
你都需要面对生活，面对你人生的责任！

逃避不是懦夫，是笨蛋！因为逃避只会让你面对更多负担！

现在的我已经厌倦了逃避，为了尽快的离开从前的失败，
今年的我已经开始改变了。
而我的改变就是所有事情的因果。。。

不！我没改变，我还是我，
只是人生有了梦想，有了野心，
虽然我的心被偷了，但我还是会把它夺回来！
让我的野心再燃烧吧！

可能是身边朋友都是音乐才能，
我开始爱回吉他，
希望通过吉他慢慢的找回自我！

我常常问我的朋友：“你来大学是为了什么呢？”
对！我们大家来大学的目的就是要拿到大学文斌！
而且如果是要拿到更好的文斌，我们就要学会

吃得苦中苦，方为人上人！

这里我要提醒我，我对自己说过：

Without my future, I'm Nothing!

所以下个学期也要加倍的努力！
搞好学业和多健身！
让我重新建立我的信心。

而且我也想开始培养读书的好习惯，
故事书也好，课本也好，名人写的书也好，
只要是能让我远离“非死不可！”，这电子书的书就好！

智慧是一种武器，也是让人崇拜的东西！
而智慧就是靠自己慢慢研究，探索的！
而我觉得书本就是智慧的来源！


哈哈！怎么样？感觉我忽然好像很忙的？
对！我就要为了自己而活！
盲目的填满我的野心！
让我远离复杂的感情世界！
行尸走肉(Single/solo）的过生活！！

当爱与不爱都会受伤，我会选择自爱！

根据Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs，
我已经有了，physiological needs，safety needs，
有了一班好友(social needs)，
现在要搞好学业建立信心(Self-esteem needs)，
慢慢的培养读书寻找智慧(Self-Actualization needs)。

哈哈！Theory 是很多啦！但是能不能成功哦？
我想还是要考验我的决心咯！
好了！今晚就吹水到这里咯！
下次再来！

Holiday Mood: ON

大考还剩最后一张纸呢！

但是可能大家都已经放假的关系，我的holiday mood 也跟着on了！
这个放假我给自己定了很多人生目标呢！

多读书（培养读书的习惯），学吉他，建身,戒女人，戒非死不可，戒粗口！
找老友，帮父亲大人，多陪老妈（之前放假都陪女友，现在就很多时间孝敬老妈咯！）

是的！kaemin说得对！前面几个我不可能做到的！哈哈！
但是我还是对自己包着很大的希望。
自己答应自己的事都弄不好，我真的不敢乱乱和别人许下任何诺言咯！

今天是我前女友的生日呢！
九二六，这个数字应该会让我想起很多很多回忆，
酸甜苦辣都有！
因为这四年多里我们都经历了很多很多事。。。

忽然想起当时我还打算送她王力宏专辑和一条很有意义的项链当生日礼物呢！
那个项链是有力宏签名的情人项链。
但是现在？
哈哈！那两个专辑和两个项链都被我藏了起来！
完全没有勇气去面对它们。
原来放弃也是需要勇气的！

其实我一直都在担心她，
每天都抽些时间去她的部落格看看，
很可惜的是，我对她的伤害真的很深呢！
看她那么伤心痛苦我也很伤心。
怎么了？我还以为他们说感情界当坏男人总比好男人好？
为什么我会那么痛苦呢？
我爸说，
人生就像一条条的线，
开始都是并行的，
日子久了就会揉在一起，
过后又回到并行的时候，
将来还有机会交叉吗？
这真的只能看缘份呢！

她给我家的感觉，我当时是想送她家的项链，自己穿心形的。。。
现在的心已经无家可归！

知道啦！自己找来的嘛！
但是下一次我找到一个家给我的心时
就算打死我我也不会离开了。。。

舍得舍得，有舍就有得；得失得失，有得就有失。多么舍不得的，该失去的终该失去。。。

Appreciate What You Have

Sometimes I wish that my life can be much simple....

But, Hey! Aren’t us the one who make our life so much complicated.

Let make it simple then!

How?

Start by appreciate what you have around you.

Appreciate those around you,

Appreciate what you have now,

Appreciate what had been given to you by others,

Appreciate everything in life.

Life is simple when you are grateful to yourself.

要吐的人生！

我连看到我自己的人生都想要吐呢！
那来什么战斗力量应付明天大考呢？
我朋友问我，难道你没有压力吗？
不是没有，只是我觉得麻木了！
面对压力，我完全没有恐惧感！
但是面对感情嘛？
我真的很害怕了！
我真的知道错了！
我看我真的要在感情界里“戒肉”！
戒个三四年的，让我能专心读书！
毕业后再来烦吧！
要做到：色就是空，空就是色！
干脆出家当和尚也不错的！
但是不能喝酒会很辛苦咯！
哈哈哈！！

昨天大考时，都会觉得很想笑，
笑我的人生为什么会沦落到这样？
连看着考卷都有种想要吐的感觉！
喂！我没开玩笑咯！真的有种想吐的感觉呢！
我也不知道为什么的！
就像现在一样，肚子有种怪怪的感觉，
好像狠不得把所有东西都吐出来那样！

放心啦！试题是有做啦！
但是那个心还是到处飞。。。
唉！南无阿弥陀佛！南无阿弥陀佛！
求神拜佛！
还我我的心吧！让我有个心来面对生活，
至少有心面对明天的ATOMIC STRUCTURE咯！
我不想再死下去了！很难看！！

I Love your smile, I like hers too; But i hate mine!

I felt I m kinda funny lately...

It seem that I got myself stuck in between two gals,

one whom i love, yet I break up with her;

one whom i like, yet I am hated by her.

What the hell am i being thru now?

I dunno man!

Is it a life cycle?

Or is it a Karma?

When you hurt someone who loved you most,

you gonna take the bitter pills yourself too one day!

For God's Sake, I pray hard that I won't fall in love with another girl for

this hellish 3 years in UTAR anymore!!!

I couldn't afford any opportunity or any time wasted on girls man!

My Life is Miserable Unless I make it Better!

小酒窩

前些日子，burger女儿在我的facebook上post了这一首歌，小酒窝。
她说歌词里面的，
“小酒窝常见到 是你最美的记号
我每天睡不着 想念你的微笑
你不知道 你对我多么重要
有了你生命完整的刚好”
非常适合现在的我呢！

哈哈！！也蛮对的咯！
可是当我去听这个mv时，忽然想起我曾经和前女友唱过这首歌。
那时候还在Alor Setar玩得蛮开心的！
可是才过了一个星期，我们就分手了。。。

突然我的心情变得好混乱，好复杂！
连我都忽然间不知道该想些什么好。。。
可以说是个酸甜交错吧！

痛哭一场

好久没那么痛哭一场了。。。
我还以为我是个很坚强的男人，
我以为我不会像小学的我一样，
常常被人笑“哭包”！
但是今天的我真的很想哭，很想哭！
本来我刚开始还不知道要怎么哭，
没人安慰，不懂得哭，
因为一直以来我都会在她面前哭，
虽然只是电话上，
但是现在的我
没人安慰，
没人了解，
没人关心，
要怎么哭呢？

想到这里时，忽然父亲发了信息来，
我就打电话回家咯！
也没什么聊的，
父亲问问几句而已。
但是当我关上手机时，
我的眼泪就不由自己的流出来，
原来，痛哭一场也是心灵上的一种解压！

对不起！爸妈，你儿子我一直以来让你们失望了，
到现在还是成事不足，败事有余。
整天做些无聊的事来浪费时间，
是的，我打算放弃所有了！
只想为我自己而奔跑！

行尸走肉（Single and Solo)才是我独我的风范！
但是现在的退出不代表我放弃了，
我只是已经没勇气面对这些问题了，
现在的我只想把自己武装得更好，
让看不到见我的你，对我另眼相看！

I Shouldn't Rape another girl's Smile from her face

I guess I Shouldn't "Rape" another girl's Smile from her face....
No! Please don't think something negative!
I mean I don't wish to forcefully took another pretty girl's smile
and cause her life full of miserable and tears.

I am still haunted by my mistake done before.
Yes, I do love my ex,
Just that my feelings itself is so confused and so blinded.

And for the mistake I had done,
I had made her suffer through all those painful days...
the more memories I had created for her,
the more she suffer.

It's so funny when her friends asked me,
IF YOU KNOW YOU WILL HURT HER, WHY DON'T YOU BREAK UP EARLIER?
LOL! If I knew I am going to hurt her, I guess I won't even start our relationship right?

I really don't know what I could do to make her feel better,
My mum called me few days ago and give me a lecture.
Asking me to promise her not to get into a relationship again...
Yeah.... After giving a few days of thought,
maybe I really shouldn't get into another mess.

I deeply apologize for the girls whom I loved and I like,
Guess what best,
was for me to stay away from their world totally!

Well, thats the way I am,
I loved the way they smile,
And I thought I could make them smile brighter,
But, I would just do the other way in the end...

I will always remember my friend's status on her FB,
If you Like someone, It doesn't mean you have to own her/him;
Sometimes it is better to be just friends and things would be much better!

A man without his word is no better than a beast!

I had make lots of promise to friends, families and even my loved one,
promises which fills with lies!
Lies That is Sweet to Hear But Stained with Black!

But I had swear upon myself,
Not to my family, friends or lover,
When everyone else falls, I shall be the one who stand.

Even I had my family members and friends who stand besides me,
I felt that everything had left me,
everyone had left me,
Even GOD himself ditched me alone in this darkness.

Where I must fight for my own chance to survive!

I had really no rooms for mistakes,
no rooms for distraction,
no rooms for grieve!

I promised no one else,
other than myself!
It's my future that lies ahead of this road!
It is my duty and my only chance now to grab it hard!
Nothing shall stand in between me and my dreams!
And No one too!

For those that I had Lied,
I am truly sorry for not being the man that you had expected.
I wouldn't even expected that I had changed this much.
A change of heart?
A change of soul?
A change of Pride?
I had been full of pride of myself, where I had crushed it with my own hand,
to bring this matter out!
I feel no remorse!
Even being a black man, I feel no guilty!
I understand well that,
What must done is done sooner or later!
Where the later it gets, the harder we could fall!

I pray now to my GOD whom I believed had once forsaken me,
Prayed hard that I shall not fail myself and those around me anymore.

I had been TOOO TIRED to be A MAN of FAILURE!

是你让我想入非非，想当一个偷心雅贼...

你的笑容已经霸占我的所有。。。
没有它的日子好辛苦呢！

我好想知道为什么你的笑容那么美？
为什么那么迷人呢？
我想知道你为什么能每天保持着那么灿然的笑容，
想知道你的更多，更多。。。
想要更接近你。。。
但是，我又害怕你会更讨厌我。

我终于知道为什么你让我有'她'的感觉了！
因为我深深的喜欢上了你了！

Smile

Your smile are so nature, happy, and worries-less.

Which make me envy most!

Your smile are like drug for me,

I am addicted to it everyday!

Before I sleep, after I wake up, During class, During meals,

My mind just full of you, full of your smile.

Your smile drive me down to my knees..

struggling everyday to see them more often...

I never believed in love on first sight,

But now I do!

I felt deeply in love on your smile every moment pass...

As the time fly by, I felt more deeply into your smile..

Wonder when I could be able to stand up on my own...

Let's move the path separately

Today we went all the way back her uni and back hometown together,

For her not talking much this few days, suddenly we had been splitting venom at each others...

Can you imagine that few weeks ago we are still sweet talking to each others almost everyday?

The moment she left to get her stuff in her room in UUM,

I cried, for the first time since I mention the break up.

My tears flow all their way down my cheeks for all those she had shed in this few weeks.

Which I can only shed for a few minutes.

(I don't want my ex to see my sorry face! :P!)

I am hurt myself too, deeply!

It isn't easy for me to make such decision.

However I know that I had to be firm and show her an example to be strong to face this ending.

Now that she had totally hate me, I feel both sad and glad,

that at least I am sure she could be better now.

I had lost someone I loved most for all this years,

And so do she,

In exchange for a better future for both of us.

(i think so, not her... I admit my selfishness!)

After today we won't be in each others world,

where for all those time we had spent almost everything on...

Let's move the path separately!

And may her had a better future,

And pray that my decision is right...

P.S Thx my bros Kaemin, Daniel, Calvin, ah Gong and Allen for being with me all the time!